The Law Offices of Midler & Kramer, P.A.
(954) 567-0300 / (561) 929-3051

120 East Oakland Park Blvd, Suite 203 – Fort Lauderdale, FL 33334
2385 NW Executive Drive, Suite 100 – Boca Raton, FL 33431

THE WOODEN SPOON

“Please get in your car seat, please sit down, please get in your seat we are leaving…

…Play my music daddy, play my song. Daddy play my music. Daddy my music! Daddy!

What restaurant sweet heart? Where do you want to eat sweetie? Tell daddy, where do you want to go?  

We are in a restaurant, please sit down. Please sit in your chair, we are trying to eat.

I want you to look at daddy sweetie, please sit down.

Please stop running around, there are people behind the booth, please stop, look at daddy, please!

Please don’t do that to the mustard.  Please do not pour that on the table, please.

If you do not listen, I will put you in “time-out”. Look at daddy my love. Look at daddy!”

It was at that point I knew something was wrong. We were together for 45 minutes. This “family dinner” with my cousin and his 6 years old daughter quickly morphed into a twilight zone episode. At that point, I wanted a double scotch and then be sent to the corn field.

Inside that restaurant I had many thoughts. I wanted to apologize to strangers. I was sorry my “niece” was permitted to run around and disturb the customers. Every condiment was mixed with the left-overs from the table forming a gooey clump of biohazard waist for the waitress to clean. Oh, and by the way, someone get a shovel and a mop for the floor.

After dinner, when we finally arrived home, my 14 year old daughter said that I had “the look” on my face the entire night.  My daughter was laughing as she said “Dad, you never would have allowed me to get away with that.” She knew “the look”, she grew up with it and so did her sisters and mother.

 I still have “the look” today. It is the look of enough. Yes, I would not have hesitated in grabbing my niece and placing her in that car seat if she wanted to or not. I would have told her no to the music, adults are talking, play with your games. As far as the running around the restaurant, that was not going to happen. At a restaurant, you sit in the chair. Between you and me, my child would have cleaned the table and floor before we left. In my mind, you are a parent, not their friend, therefore discipline your child!

Maybe, it’s me. I am 52 years old and blessed with three daughters. I never read books about parenting. I never sought the advice of others concerning my daughters, nor I “googled” how to be a parent. In my world, Spock was the pointed ear guy on the television show Star Trek and not the “doctor whisperer”. “Dr. Spock” never asked my advice on child rearing, so I never asked his.

As a father, I never said “please”, and I certainty never “asked” my children to do anything. They were expected to listen, behave, and act appropriately. When it was time for my children to do; whether it was sitting in a chair, doing homework, taking out the garbage, or behaving in a restaurant, they were told.

They were told in a commanding, stern, authoritative voice that came natural to me, because that is what I knew – that is how I grew up. I am not capable of asking a six year old, while planning a dinner with other adults where the child wants to eat. My cousin advised me that it was healthy to include her in the “decision making process”.  I laughed, but he read it somewhere on the internet so it had to be good advice.

When my daughters were young, if there was a failure to communicate after the first time, there was no second or third. There was no “time out” in our home and there was no need for my children “to look at me”.  Blame my mother and father, I was afraid of them as a child and they would not hesitate to remind me the meaning of discipline and respect.

Discipline and respect, do you remember? America’s children do not have it. America’s children have no respect for others, for mother and father, and most importantly, for themselves. Respect for a waitress who is working a double. Respect for a grocer who must reshelf an isle because a parent allowed their child to use it as a playground. While you were at the movies, shopping, or attending at child’s birthday party, what do you observe? How many times have you witnessed a child hitting or yelling at his or her parents? Why are teachers afraid of our children?  Are you familiar with our juvenile justice system?

I grew up in Long Island, a suburb of New York. My father drove a yellow cab in the city. He used to say that he had no idea what color his house was. He went to work it was dark, by the time he came home, it was dark again. My mother worked for an insurance company. On weekends, she “cloroxed” the house. They had no patience for “please”, time outs, or “look at me”. My parents laughed at the notion that every child deserved a star on the fridge, a trophy for participating, or never striking out at little league; and because of that I learned that failing was just as important as winning. Without failure, one cannot achieve success. Parents today have shielded their children from this most important life lesson with the concept that every child “deserves” a star.     

WHEN WAS THE DAY AMERICA WENT FROM "SPAIR THE ROD SPOIL THE CHILD," TO PLEASE?

Nothing hits harder than life. But we have a choice: we can get back up on our feet and hit back; or we can stay grounded for the rest of our lives. As a parent, we have an obligation to tell our children no, sit down. A parent has a duty to discipline their children without asking and without an apology. We must allow our children to strike out, lose the game. Parents must stop placing stars on the fridge unless it is earned. We must allow our children to fail. Our children must learn to have the ability to get back on their feet. There are no time outs in life, there are no safe zones. Nothing hits harder than life. Shielding a child from failing is failing a child.

What has America’s children become? Their self-entitlement is troubling. How many kids are staying home living with their parents? How many do you know? My daughters know this; upon graduating high school, time to start your career, or enroll in college. But one thing is certain; get out, move out, and grow up. Get punched by life.

Are you familiar with Mr. Michael Rotondo? Mr. Rotondo is 30 years old who refused to leave his parents’ home without a court order. How many gold stars did he get on the fridge?  If I were a betting man, he never struck out at t-ball and no team won or lost. At some point in Mr. Rotondo’s life, he decided not to get back on his feet. If his parents had disciplined the child, would he still be living at home?  If he was told no, sit down, or now; would he be living with his parents? If he was allowed to fail, would he now be a productive, confident, healthy adult? What is a “healthy choice” concerning a child and his or her relationship with a parent?

PLEASE SIT DOWN!

Please is a fallacy, nothing more than an apologetic excuse when attempting to discipline your child. What are you afraid of, is it a lack of confidence, what will society accuse you of? Children test their parents. Children push the envelope as far as mommy and daddy will allow. The moment a child hears the word “please”, they push harder and harder. Life does not say please! How do you raise a child, how do you discipline a child? What do you say and how do you say it? Are you the “please” or the “now” parent? Are you the parent that would never “raise a hand on your child” or were you raised with the “wooden spoon”?

WHEN DID AMERICAN SOCIETY CONCLUDE THAT SPANKING YOUR CHILD WAS WRONG?

Remember Minnesota Viking running back Adrian Peterson? Mr. Peterson was prosecuted for reckless or negligent injury to a child.  According to Mr. Peterson, he was “disciplining” his 4 year old son with a tree branch. The “discipline” resulted in numerous injuries to the child, including cuts and bruises to the child’s back, buttocks, ankles, legs and scrotum, along with defensive wounds to the child’s hands. Mr. Peterson claimed he was disciplining his son over a dispute concerning a video game. I do not condone Mr. Peterson’s conduct, I find it morally and legally irreprehensible.  Mr. Peterson committed child abuse.   

But I do confess, admit, that I spanked my children. As I feared my parents, my daughters feared their father. I am not apologetic, I am proud of the way I raised my girls. Spanking a child for misbehaving is not morally or ethically wrong. I did not hesitate in imposing reasonable physical discipline on my children for misbehaving (sounds like an attorney wrote that, see below). I can anticipate the haters. You probably were never spanked as a kid and still live at home. Brush your teeth, make your bed, get dressed, stop playing video games, go outside, get a job, meet someone and move out!  

Like I stated earlier, I am no expert in how to raise a child. But I challenge any individual who claims to be! Can we have an honest discussion as to whether a parent should spank his or her child? Can a parent be released of the guilt? If a parent spanks his or her child, why are they ostracized on social media? Why are parents afraid to admit they spank their child? Many parents believe it is illegal to spank their child. 

FLORIDA STANDARD JURY INSTRUCTION 16.1, AGGRAVATED CHILD ABUSE

IT IS NOT A CRIME FOR A {PARENT} OR {PERSON WHO IS ACTING IN PLACE OF A PARENT} OF A CHILD TO IMPOSE REASONABLE PHYSICAL DISCIPLINE ON A CHILD FOR MISBEHAVIOR UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES EVEN THOUGH PHYSICAL INJURY RESULTED FROM THE DISCIPLINE.

As a matter of disclosure and transparency, I am a practicing criminal defense attorney in the State of Florida. I was also a former Florida prosecutor, previously assigned to the child abuse / sex crimes unit. I would have prosecuted Mr. Petersen for aggravated child abuse. I currently represent individuals charged with child abuse. What is considered reasonable physical force for misbehaving and child abuse is not the purpose of this article. Florida Statute 827.03 governs child abuse.

Now go judge me on my parenting skills, you may feel “sorry” for my girls in how I raised them. You may say I am the product or “victim” of my mother and father’s parenting style. You may consider it wrong, abusive or unnecessary. You can also go as far as condemning me on my professional decision in representing individuals such as Mr. Peterson. But that is what we do, that is all we do, condemn and judge each other from a keyboard. Stop trying to raise the “perfect child” and try to be a better parent.

Children need a parent as a loving authority figure and not a friend. This takes an understanding of the “wooden spoon” concept. Finding a balance is crucial to the wellbeing of our children. The wooden spoon is an invaluable tool necessary to assist our children to develop the capacity to handle life’s punch. Allow your child to be loving, confident and independent. A parent cannot achieve this by treating a child as a “mini-adult”. The parent will decide what restaurant, not a child. Parents must stop attempting to fulfill every want from their child and simply say, no!  America is raising a narcissistic generation of individuals who will all end up back home!

We have lost our roadmap, our compass. America’s has a parenting crisis. We must learn to avoid becoming Mr. Rotondo and Mr. Peterson. This article is not intended, nor should it be used to provide legal advice. The decision to impose reasonable physical discipline upon your child for misbehaving is only for a parent to decide. The responsibility, both morally and legally, rests solely on the shoulders of a parent.

Date: 
Monday, August 6, 2018

Comments

Submitted by SRM on

I thought this was a Great Blog Article. I agree 100% with everything! I am my sons Father and will try to give him all the love and understanding, but will not tolerate misbehavior.